The Chasm

Standing on the edge of a precipice on the edge of a dark chasm, I ponder my options…jump in and escape this reality called life or continue to run the edge of the chasm with tight shoulders, a rumble of constant anxiety, and perpetually finding myself holding my breath hoping to not misstep and accidentally fall in.

Some days, it feels like it would be easier to jump in. At least then, I would be the one in control.

Metaphorically, the precipice is my busy, exhausting, every day different but the same life, and the chasm is depression.

Before you move on to another more uplifting blog and advise that I need professional help, I ask that you just be silent for a moment, tune into yourself and ask yourself if you aren’t as well living in this despair. Make you uncomfortable? Me too. That’s why I like to stay busy. Keeps me from having to face the truth that I have majorly let myself down.

Somewhere along my journey towards a fulfilling life, I lost my perspective. I thought it was noble to put others before myself and kept promising I would live more in line with my desires when I had more money, more time and the kids were more independent. Even worse, I did this unconsciously, an ingrained belief.

Lucky for me, I have too big of a sense of humor to wallow in self-pity for too long. Enough. It’s time to do things differently.

Lasting change in my experience is not done all at one time in a huge life renovation. It can be, but if you don’t get to the heart of your issues and dismantle your beliefs that are not serving you, you can find yourself in a different environment with different people, but still in the exact same deficit emotionally and spiritually.

Enter the power trio – intention, mindfulness, and joy. In the recent past, these values have become my barometer on whether I am living in alignment, and more often than I’d like to admit in print, the answer is a big NO. Recognition though is half the battle, and from recognizing my lack of alignment, I can slowly ditch past beliefs and reset my perspective.

It’s uphill work, but I know it can’t be any worse than standing at the edge of the chasm. Like driving, any movement, even the long way around, feels better than being stuck in traffic. I like my metaphors today.

And maybe, just maybe, each of can start inching our way back from edge of the chasm and towards the immense landscape of possibility we couldn’t see because we were looking at the wrong view.

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