The Back Story
For the discussion about my passion, you will have to read my previous post on Choosing Yourself. The cliff notes version is that I have decided to pursue my blog and attempt to make a full-time living doing what I love to do...talking a lot about things we already know, but need reminding of in gentle ways, discovering new things to level up in joy and supporting others in their own journey of the same.
I know…you can see those big bucks rolling in.
After deciding to choose yourself, you must go through all the technical details and free up space and time. This will happen slowly over time, but each decision will open more opportunities to streamline and continue to choose yourself every day. But one small detail needs attending to…
You should probably fill in your partner on your life epiphany.
Before you think the above title was a typo making conversations plural, I actually do mean multiple. I find these things are best discussed in small moments through your daily life so you don’t inundate, and they have a chance to weigh if something has changed for them. You especially need some extra convincing time is the last few readings of your blog involved epistles about toilet paper. You can imagine there may be some skepticism on whether people may want to invest in your musing about posterior care.
And that’s okay. You’re not trying to win the battle, but you want to win the war.
What a horrible analogy…let’s try again. A more peaceful one.
You’re not trying to get him to clean the bathroom…you’re trying to get a housecleaner.
When thinking about having these types of conversation with your partner, it pays to think about what objections they may have. The bottom line is this will center around how this will affect them…money coming in, your unavailability to participate in family life and whether you will be a nice person live with. It pays to have some answers to these subjects ahead of time to show that you respect them enough to have really thought it out.
Chat One – Can I Quit One of my Jobs?
I work 30 hours a week at present. I do realize that for most people this is a dream schedule; however, because of my spouse’s schedule being variable and often long, I am the one that drives everyone who needs driving, emotionally and energetically supports the needs of all the people in the house (endless!) and do most of the home life administration and functioning. These are a lot of hats and require a lot of energy.
In my move towards pursuing my passion, I have decided to quit one of my jobs that I have which is difficult to plan around timewise. This seems like a back step, but the unpredictability of the available work takes up a lot of energy and having that off the table will allow me to free up time for writing. It removes a potential security blanket, but it’s a security blanket most people don’t have. I will make up the time by working more for the other company so will still have the same hours; thus, there will be no change in my income. My partner as always was supportive after expressing his concerns, but no decision made so far is irreversible. I can pick up another job again if I need to. I had his tentative agreement.
Conversation Two - Time
There is no way to make this more palatable. Pursuing your passion will take more time from your family and friends. I am terrible at shelving commitments. I thought about decreasing the number of hours I spend volunteering but am having a hard time doing that. I will instead decide to keep the same number of hours and not give any more time. This involves about 10 hours a week.
The other time saver will be to be firm about what I can commit to during the day. I am going to be saying no a lot to extraneous invites, but this is a muscle that needs a good workout. I’m going to protect some time here by scheduling blogging time into my schedule.
After sharing this cryptically with my spouse, he looks at me skeptically. I am pleaser who believes in abundance primarily as an excuse for not saying no. My husband knows this, but he can also be my biggest help in this area when he questions me about committing to yet something else. Use this to your advantage. You’ve probable heard the saying. "Those who are chronic pleasers make their spouse the bad guy."
Planning and feeding the family is a big time drain for me. To find some extra hours, I am also going to stop cooking dinner two nights a week. People can either pick up the slack or not. It’s up to them. Dinner is a real connecting time for us as a family so I don’t want to let go completely. Since my husband does one night and my son will be doing one night, I will have three to cover with one involving pizza. The other nights they’re on their own. Secretly, I think they are delighted…which is making me feel slightly insecure about my cooking.
Conversation Three - Flip Flopping
If you are one of those lovely people blessed as neither right brained nor left brained, but directly planted in the middle, you immediately understand my problem. You can see several different points of view and they all are reasonable, but the one you think is correct is the one in front of you right now looking at you, or from the last conversation you had, or from the last book you read.
The only way for me to combat this phenomenon is really define my why…why do I want to do this. The bottom line is I want to live in a world where joy and all its counterparts of kindness, acceptance, empathy, compassion, generosity and community are the norm.
My why feels very energetically strong for me right now which will be what keeps me from flip flopping. Ultimately though, no one can stop me from flip flopping, but I know me…and when my why is strong and my systems are in place, I don’t flip flop.
Silent Conversation Four – Will You Be Nice to Live With
There is something about feeling fulfilled that makes you happier in general. Writing is a soul cleansing activity and provides me a huge dopamine hit which can keep me smiling…more often.
But I am human. I do get tired. So there will be grumpy moments. Time will tell whether this stretches me too thin or elevates my soul. I’m hoping the latter.
Stay tuned for more next week, but my partner as always is rightfully hesitant, but loving and supportive. For that, I am truly thankful...which makes me feel joy. Mission accomplished…for now.