Today's declutter challenge is to get rid of 10 cords which were quite challenging. I was all tied up in knots over it (cord humor). There was a lot of doubt on whether I might be throwing away something important.
In our house, we have a box that holds all the cords and power bars so that when we "need a cord," we can easily (sarcasm) go and grab what we need. This happens very rarely, so much so that the box had a thin layer of dust on the top. What happens, in reality, is the cord breaks, technology has moved on, and another new cord is purchased.
Miscellaneous cords x 9 - My favorite was the old phone plug style cord.
Earbuds x 1 - I have experienced wireless earbuds that have squishy ends for comfort. There is no going back to hard-shelled, corded earbuds.
While thinking this was going to be the shortest post ever in my decluttering challenge, I had another epiphany that I did not think would happen over cords. Decluttering is more than just getting rid of stuff, but can also involve an introspective look at the relationships in your life. That's when I realized that my title "Cutting the Cord" was quite metaphorically appropriate.
At the end of last year, I let go of a relationship with someone I have had a friendship with since I was toddling around the nursery at church. Through the years, we bonded closer while attending the same school and our love of L.M. Mongomery. She has been the only friend I have ever been able to get together with just to read...an easy companionship.
What could have divided a friendship like that?
As people get older, I find they go in two directions. They either get softer, more accepting, more loving, and more tolerant with their life experience or they get harder, more anxious, less tolerant, and more rigid in their belief systems. The harder ones become firmer in a belief system where people "should" adhere to a certain code of ethics. Either way with both systems, there is a clear knowledge that time is short so no more BSing.
I'm not going to get into details. That would be very dishonoring to the essence of the relationship, but the final straw was the intense concern for my soul and not only concern, but my soul being added into prayer sessions with another old friend.
Now I love it when people are concerned for my soul. I have very little fear myself regarding it and spend a great deal of time cultivating alignment with it, but the more hands-on-deck the better. However, concern over souls needs to be accompanied by an interest in another's life, experiences, and family. I stopped sharing these details a long time ago realizing that that wasn't the point of interest.
So, what happens when the person who professes to be acting in a purely love-motivated way leaves the person they are directing their attentions toward feeling unloved and unseen? That's a rhetorical question. I don't have the answer.
Last year was a year of boundaries. It helped me realize that I had the right as a human being to exist in this world unmolested by others' fear. The year culminated in a realization that this relationship was no longer serving me.
There is a scene in the movie, Love Actually, where one of the characters is in love with the wife of his best friend. He does his best to hide it, and she thinks he detests her. Eventually, she inadvertently finds out his feelings for her. In a memorable moment, he confesses his feelings to her with no intent to harm the marriage. He just wants to clear the air, start again, and as he walks away, you hear him say, "Enough, that's enough now." Chapter closed. Time to move on.
In a less spectacularly romantic way without my friend even knowing the relationship is over, I have walked away and said "Enough, that's enough now."
Why haven't I told her? I don't need to. It is enough for me to close the chapter without making a production out of it. I also love a happy ending and hope one day she'll see me, but at the moment, I am not overly optimistic on that point.
The point is that I don't want subpar relationships to occupy center stage anymore. Entertaining subpar relationships makes me a subpar friend, and I am striving (though failing often!) to be more than a subpar friend.
Because of distance, this process both feels incredibly easy and hard at the same time. When things happen, I sometimes assume things affect me less than they do. Then, the mess leaks out other areas, and I realize that they are still bothering me...which is one of the reasons I have recently found myself a counselor...to learn to feel the feels.
Back to decluttering, sometimes removing cords, strings, and earbuds from your life can hurt, and there may be some doubt on whether you have done the right thing, but finally when you say enough and clear the clutter, you make room for wireless, soft-cushioned earbuds.
Seems like I had a lot more to say about cords than I thought.
Label future cords destined for the cord box with the item they used to be attached to. Makes it easier to determine what context you could use the cord for. This is experience talking.
Some people are going to leave, but that's not the end of your story. That's the end of their part in your story.