Acceptance is Love

Acceptance is the harshest lesson life teaches and the one most important to learn.

- Rose Tremain

I’m not sure what energy I have been putting out these last few weeks. I am trying to identify if it’s an energy of clearing house or an energy of stepping into myself. Whatever it is, I am loving the opportunity to witness my growth.

In the last few weeks, two friends have come out of the woodwork and challenged me on a couple of issues, the first being my spirituality and the other being the way I give advice (when asked). I listened to their concerns, and because these two people hold a special place in my heart, I sat with their opinions to give it the Jane test of validity.

Without getting into too much detail, the first one is a devout believer. She walks her talk and lives her truth, and I love watching it in action as she truly does make the world a better place. However, I am not religious, rather spiritual, and here lies our difference of opinion. As she emphatically prays for my soul and conveys her stress over my lack of devoutness, I tend to fall into the many paths to heaven camp. Why create diversity if you’re going to give one religion a monopoly? Doesn’t make any sense to me. I have always known how she feels, but with the recent passing of a friend, this came to the forefront in a heartfelt plea.

The second friend conveyed that at a time where her life was in a vulnerable place she asked for advice, and I gave it. While I tinge my advice with love, I do tend to be a straight talker when it comes to being asked my opinion by a friend. I figure the job of a true friend is not to give lip service. At the time, my advice was not well received, and while it turned out to be correct, I was asked to next time impart advice more gently and maybe even confirm if the advice was truly wanted…if it is negative.

As I have said many times and will say many times again, my 40s have been a time of empowerment for me. My blog name AcceptingJane did not come around by accident or because it was readily available. In my mind, acceptance is ground zero. It is the baseline level of where you need to be for momentum forward in personal growth. Before you get to the point of acceptance, there is a lot of seeking external validation and thinking you are defective and need fixing. In turn, what you think of yourself, you project onto others thinking other people are defective and need fixing. There is less compassion for others and yourself when you cannot meet you or them where they are.

As I said, my 40s have been the decade of epiphanies, and I have determined that our defectivity is a load of hooey. We are enough. We are who we need to be at this moment in time, perceived flaws and all. And in that role of acceptance, we can extend the same compassion to those around us. They are on their journey, and if that means that they need to be worried for us or annoyed with us, that is okay.

But we don’t need to own it.

Because at the end of the day, someone else’s angst at our spiritual or advice-giving selves does not need to be our angst. We can stand up straight and say I will live my truth and you live yours. We can refuse to walk on eggshells in our relationships because those kinds of relationships denote a lack of trust.

I can’t emphasize this enough. There is so much freedom and joy from breaking away from those old mindsets of believing you need to make other people happy or pretend to be someone you’re not so other people don’t need to feel bad. But by living this way, you dishonor those you love by allowing them to wear narrow lenses and believe they are fragile. Part of the beauty of self-acceptance is you can now see others in their light and power.

But never, never, ever sacrifice your authentic soul self to make anyone else more comfortable...ever.

I decided the most subversive revolutionary thing I could do was to show up for my life and not be ashamed.

- Anne Lamont (Queen of Wisdom)

Update: When this was written, I was on day 4 of 14 of writing every day. So far so good! As a heads up, I am doing another challenge when this is finished starting January 10. I am doing 10 days of green smoothies. This is through Simple Green Smoothies, but I will post about my progress as usual in the blog and on Facebook/Instagram. Join me if you feel like having your cells say "thank you!"

Oh and Happiest of New Years! 2022 is going to be an interesting year for the blog. I am anticipating being stretched in some uncomfortable ways =)

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